The National Research Council in Ottawa has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new Element has been tentatively named "Governmentium" Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 11 assistant deputy neutrons - giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called "morons", which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called "peons". Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium caused one reaction to take over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead, undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons - forming "isodopes". This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a "Critical Morass". When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes "Administratium" - an element that radiates just as much energy, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.


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Definition of Government Bureaucracy: A system that makes the possible, impossible.